Life's Speed Bumps are not Stop Signs

Life has a way of throwing all of us curve balls; or speed bumps, if you will. Whether they appear along our life's path due to someone else's actions, unforeseen circumstances or simply due to our own errors in judgement and common sense; we all have the same choices on how we deal with them. 

Several years ago when faced with a personal crisis; one brought on by my own doing, I sought the counsel of a very wise man. Our meeting that day was extremely difficult. No one is eager to admit their failures and face their fears willingly. 

Nearly five years later, there is one point that he brought up that I have never forgotten. We all face speed bumps in our lives. This was just one that I was facing in mine. I had a choice. I could either treat it as a stop sign; basically retreat from my life as I knew it, or continue forward; taking with me the knowledge that this was a just a blip in the grand scheme of life and the lessons I learn from it would carry me forward over the bump.

While I am in no way proud of the mistakes made in my past, I am extremely grateful for those who stood by me through the worst of it, lent an ear or simply a shoulder to cry on. I am beholden to that wise man from 5 years ago, who did not openly judge but allowed me to openly judge myself.

This is a reminder to all that as you come upon your own speed bumps in life, there are others out there to help you continue over them. They are your family, your friends, your spiritual adviser and the many service organizations in your community.

When faced with a speed bump, don't look at it as a stop sign. Continue forward over it with the help of those who care. True, the road on the other side may lead you in a direction you didn't foresee; but who's to say that this new path isn't a brighter and more fulfilling one?

Dear Anonymous Internet Troll

Dear Anonymous Internet Troll:

We hope you are having a good day. No, we really mean it. 

If it weren't for you, we wouldn't be reminded of our mistakes and shortcomings. Yes, we have all made mistakes in our lives and none of us is perfect.  However, most of us have learned from the mistakes we have made and have accepted whatever shortcomings life has dealt us.

It is because of your constant reminders that we have something to strive for. Your persistent gay bashing, fat shaming, and ethnic slurring posts serve as the fuel in our pursuit to better ourselves. For that we thank you.

Our hope is that, in your perfect world, you will never know what it is like to regain the trust of your family, friends and community. We hope that you will never know what it is like to look yourself in the mirror every morning knowing you have disappointed so many just for being who you are. Finally, we hope that you are able to garner the support and friendships that we have up on top of that perch of yours.

Again, thank you and have a good day because we know the rest of us will.

Sincerely,

The rest of the human race

Confessions of a List Maker

I am a list maker. I make lists to remind myself to make lists. There is always a pen and scrap of paper within reach just so I can jot a reminder down. I experience a unique sense of euphoria each and every time I cross something off one of the lists. 

There are multiple active lists in a variety of places; on my desk, in the car and on my person; in one pocket or another. There are the grocery lists, the packing lists, and the to-do lists. There are also the laundry lists; which in my case are the damp clumps of paper pulled from washing machine; you know, those lists shoved in a pocket that were not removed before starting the wash cycle.

Then, of course, there are the virtual lists. The email contacts, the Facebook friend lists categorized accordingly - close friends, family, acquaintances, pages, etc., the Google circles and the Twitter followers. Even my online calendar is set to pop up on my smart phone in the list-like agenda format.

Now that I have gotten this off my chest, I can cross it off my list.

New Year Resolutions Past

We all make New Year resolutions; don't deny it. We tend to take the easy route by resolving to either lose weight, quite smoking, or exercise more. Granted, these are noble and well intentioned; but their success rates leave something to be desired. 

Now, I seriously do not intend to downplay someone's attempt to better themselves. I, myself, wish I had the will power to lose weight, quite smoking and exercise more; all at the same time, in fact. 

The purpose of this post is to shed light on the resolutions that we make to ourselves in the privacy of our own consciousness. Even these resolutions are not 100% successful. When we fail to live up to them, we have our harshest critics to contend with; ourselves.

Very few of us look upon the start of a new year as simply another day. It has been ingrained in the human race to be viewed as a fresh start, a new beginning. It is a chance to make amends for past sins, better our lives and the lives of those around us. Fate, many times has its own plan for us. 

Throughout any given year, a number of "bumps in the road" occur.  We find ourselves unexpectedly losing loved ones, becoming unemployed, or making wrong decisions with seemingly disastrous consequences.  It is our reaction to these occurrences during the course of the year that defines us. 

We need to walk that fine line between accepting these twists of fate for what they are while at the same time not beating ourselves into submission because of them. We must also remind ourselves not to allow others to project their dissatisfaction, and, yes, hatred, upon us as we continue to face life on a daily and yearly basis. One's life and their contribution to it is based on more than a singe event or happenstance. 

The most important New Year's resolution we could all make would be to remember this throughout the year. Resolve not to be your worst enemy.

Be the author of your own story

As they say, "the devil is in the details". Unfortunately, the details seem to be forgotten when people post titillating stories about others on the Internet. Apparently, even the news media may omit important facts when reporting on a story.

As humans, our natural inclination is to defend ourselves against such falsehoods or omissions. We tend to see these omissions as personal attacks; and many times they are. Lashing out against the original author of the post, whether it be a member of the media or the average Joe, may not necessarily be in your best interest.  In the contentious realm of the Internet, those taking a defensive stance are more likely to come across as "whiners" and "cry babies".

Launching a counterattack directly on the original author accomplishes nothing more than drawing additional attention to the falsehoods initially put forth. As hard as it may seem, the best course of action is to ignore the posts.  Write your own chapter.  Share your joys, your sorrows and, yes, your pain.  If others take offense to what you share, so be it.  If they are true friends, they will respect your right to express yourself and if they disagree, they are capable of doing so in a respectful manner.  Those that take what you post and twist it in such a way to benefit their own beliefs; while at the same time making you look like a fool (or worse), are truly not your friends and have no place in either your life - online and offline.

Don't allow others to write your story. Only you have the power to determine whether your story is found in the fiction or nonfiction section of life's library.

No matter how high the mud; get out and vote

We are days away from the general election and the mudslinging has kicked into high gear. The negative political ads, mailers, Facebook posts and Tweets know no political party affiliation. They are an attempt to keep the voter away from the polls on Election Day. They are the most basic forms of voter suppression disguised as political advertising.

Whether they are targeting an incumbent or a challenger, the creators of these negative forms of communication are hoping that the voter will become so disenchanted with the targeted candidate that they will not venture out to vote on Election Day. 

As voters, we owe it to the political process to ignore these veiled attempts to prevent us from having our voices heard at the polling booths. We owe it to all the candidates involved to educate ourselves on their merits and not rely on the rumors and innuendos. Finally, we owe it to ourselves. We must not allow any political party, candidate and their "machine" to dictate to us, as voters and citizens, how, why and if we should vote. 

Vote for the candidate that will have your best interests and that of the constituency their office serves at heart. Strap on those boots and trudge through the mud that has been flung and vote. 

Bullying Transcends Age

October is anti-bullying month. Our school districts and college administrations are doing their part in educating the students in their care on the perils of bullying. I fear, however, that their efforts may be for naught.  

Bullying is bullying. It doesn't just occur in the classroom or on the playground. It is not only limited to text messages between "mean" teenage girls. It happens all too often among adults; in the workplace, in public settings, on the internet and in the home.  

Bullying does not follow an age restriction. Adults well into their "golden years" bully each other as if they were still in middle school. In fact, cliques, harassment, ostracism are prevalent among elders. (Senior Bullying) Many of us have witnessed bullying in the workplace among co-workers and employers. We have seen it in places of worship between members of the congregation. We have observed it at one time or another in the park or ball field. We are not immune to the bullying on various social media sites where commentators have resorted to name calling and harassment rather than engaging in meaningful debate centered on the facts.

We have become desensitized to the negative campaign tactics of our politicians. Rather than calling them out on their over the top lambasting of their opponents, we tend to remain quiet all in the name of it being "election season". Politicians can and should disagree on the issues; but those disagreements should be debated on their merits and not on personal traits of one's opponent.

Again, I applaud the efforts being made by our school officials to end bullying in their institutions. However, until adults start behaving like adults; not like characters from "Mean Girls", their efforts may not hold weight once their charges are off campus among the "adults". 

  

On this Labor Day

“There is no labor a person does that is undignified -- if they do it right.” ~ Bill Cosby

Mr. Cosby gets it. Unfortunately, most of us fail to. On this, the 120th Anniversary of Labor Day many Americans still go out of their way to cast aspersions upon those who work in industries considered to be undignified. 

All too often we find ourselves looking down our noses at those who serve us our meals, clean our hotels rooms and offices, or pick up our trash at the curb. What makes us any better than they are?  

As a product of the Baby Boom, it was instilled in me to go on to college or I would end up being nothing more than a ditch digger or, heaven forbid, a wife and mother.  It wasn't until my later years, that I realized how asinine this phrase was.  Whether you are a ditch digger, garbage collector, CEO, housekeeper and, yes, wife and mother; these are all honorable professions.

Granted, some may be more financially rewarding than others; but when did we allow financial rewards to trump all else?  We need to instill in our children that as long as they enjoy what they are doing and do it well, there is nothing undignified about the profession they choose. 

As we celebrate this day, take a moment an reflect upon how you interact with those who may not be what we normally would consider the "Captains of Industry". Those who are working on this day while you are enjoying your BBQ's, parades and fireworks. Remember, their job is just as dignified as yours.

Addressing Low Voter Turnout in a Mid-Year Election

We have heard the pundits and read the bloggers discuss the reasons for continual low voter turnout. This has especially come to light with the recent special election held in Florida. 

Historically, mid-year election voter turnout is low. However, the so-called mid year elections races are the ones that tend to have a more direct affect on our lives. A senatorial, congressional, gubernatorial, mayoral or village dog control officer race will ultimately touch on more personal topics than a presidential race. It is normally not until after all the votes are tallied that voters; especially those that did not go to the polls, begin to voice their disdain and criticism.  

Many political scientists claim that it is based on "voter apathy". I believe it goes far beyond that. It is more of the voter not being fully informed on the importance of voting during these off years. Voter education in this regard it extremely important. 

Many past and current candidates will argue that they have engaged in voter education. They followed all the rules; sent out their mailers, handed out their palm cards, made the robo calls, even kissed a baby or two. They designated who the "prime voters" were and carried out a full blown Get Out the Vote assault. There's the rub; the "prime voters".

The buzzwords "prime voters" have morphed from being those most likely to vote to those most likely to donate. All too often, candidates and their staff are found to be cherry picking who to meet & greet. It is a problem across the board in every state and level of the election process. Financing a campaign is expensive and donors provide the necessary funding;however, the number of votes the donors bring directly to the polls is minuscule in the grand scheme of things. 

We have quickly gone from calling for support in the form of votes to dialing for dollars. All too often the young voter, the poor voter, the woman voter and the minority voter become disconnected from the process. I cannot begin to tell you how many people locally don't vote because they believe it wasn't a big race. Every election is a big race. 

Candidates need to make it a point to get out and meet those they have ignored in the past. They need educate these segments of the public on just how important their vote is. 

Candidates need to stop ignoring those that live in what may be considered undesirable neighborhoods; embrace them and listen to their concerns. They want to know that the politicians do, in fact, care and have ideas to help make their lives better. 

Candidates need to speak to the young voter in the language that they understand. That entails utilizing the tools that social media affords them. Incorporate Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram into your overall campaign strategy. Encourage young voters to become involved in the election process. Actively recruit young people as campaign volunteers. Most importantly, listen to their concerns since it is their future on the line. 

Candidates must not ignore the woman voter. Women make up 51% of the population and garnering their support during the campaign should be a top priority. Women wield tremendous political clout that is so often overlooked and underestimated. 

Finally, we need to do our part by providing education within our own social circles. We need to reach out to our family, friends, and neighbors. Encourage them to vote. Educate them on the importance of their vote and being involved in the political process.

Pick Your Battles Wisely

There you have it.  The State of the Union is in the history books and the obligatory social media pontifications have begun.  

For clarification, pontification is "the act of speaking out for the purpose of hearing oneself speak. 
Posturing...speaking to people that don't really care what you say one way or another since you're speaking solely to front yourself as "someone in charge"'. (source: Urban Dictionary) 

In fact, this article may, in fact, be classified by some as a pontification; but, I digress.

As the pundits from both sides of the aisle start dissecting and analyzing last night's speech; let's remember that as the insults and accusations begin to fly on social media there are issues closer to home that we all can be advocating for without alienating our social media friends.  

There are those in the south; many of whom who spent the night trapped on icy highways in their cars fighting to stay warm.  There is the senior citizen down the block wondering if the frigid cold and icy roads are going to keep the "meals on wheels" volunteer from delivering what would probably be their only hot meal for the day.  There is the single parent sending their child off to school this morning worrying if he or she will be warm enough at the bus stop.

The examples above are just the tip of the iceberg.  They serve as reminders that, while we each have a right to express our personal opinions regarding the President's speech, we should not lose sight of what is happening in our own backyards.  They are just as important as the president's proponents and refuters arguments over the national political and social issues.  However, insulting our social media friends over these issues is serving no purpose other than adding more fuel to an already raging firestorm. 

Just the facts, Donald (Trump, that is)

Binghamton radio airwaves recently played host to an in-depth interview with Donald Trump.  The former GOP Presidential hopeful is currently being rumored as a potential opponent against New York State Governor Andrew Cuomo in November.  You can listen to the full interview here: WNBF Trump Interview

Several of the points made by Mr. Trump need to be addressed.

1. New York State has the highest taxes in the nation.  This couldn't be further from the truth.  Currently, Maryland ranks highest of the top 5 states nationwide.  (source: Bloomberg via MSN Money).  New York does rank at #3 highest.  However, the bipartisan proposals being touted in Albany should help to reduce the current personal and corporate tax burdens across the state.

2. They want to take away all of New Yorkers' guns under the SafeAct.  Again, this is a flat out fallacy.  While the law may still need some tweaking, one thing is for certain; it does not state anywhere in its current form that New Yorkers will have to give up all their legally registered firearms. On December 31, 2013, Chief U.S. District Judge William M. Skretny, of the Federal District Court in Buffalo, upheld most of the New York SAFE Act, saying that its provisions "further the state's important interest in public safety.... it does not totally disarm New York's citizens; and it does not meaningfully jeopardize their right to self-defense".  (source: New York Times "Federal Judge Upholds Majority of New York Gun Law" 12/31/2013)

To be fair, there was one statement made by Mr. Trump which cannot be disputed.  People are fleeing the State of New York.  However, there are a variety of reasons for this as there are for every other state in the Northeast experiencing the same phenomenon.  To bluntly place the blame on the current administration and the governor does a disservice to those listening to Mr. Trump.

No matter where you personally fall on the political spectrum, you owe it to yourself to check out the "facts" before believing or sharing.  It is only going to get worse as we move forward in this important election year.

My Soapbox Moment

Please excuse me for interrupting your comments and online posts for just a second.  I understand that your negative rants are just as important as the "feel good" posts that I share with my online connections; however, does that mean you have the right to hijack my positive outlook on the world and, in turn, ruin my entire day?

We all have our opinions when it comes to politics, social issues and, yes, even cats.  If you post something I do not agree with, I make the conscious effort to either reply with facts that substantiate my opinion or simply scroll right by your post.  I do not go out of my way to post a comment that is disparaging or outright mean spirited.  

Maybe I am naive to think that adults are capable of having an intelligent online conversation without the name calling and vile comments.  This was not how I was raised nor was it how I was taught to carry on conversations with people I may disagree with.

Yes, debate is important and a fact of life.  I am not discouraging it by any means.  It you disagree with something I post, then state your case as to why. Simply calling a third party out in your reply does not help to advance your case.

All too often, there are those (myself included) who have been forced to delete a post because the comments posted in response have gone rogue. These forced deletions go against the whole purpose of social media.  

We can be social without being mean spirited.

My Thanksgiving Message to You

Happy Thanksgiving! 

As I scroll through my news feeds, text messages and take or make the obligatory phone calls, I am reminded that gratitude is not limited to one day of the year.

We all have experienced moments of joy, contentment and, yes, heartbreak throughout the year. Showing our gratitude and appreciation for those who have been there with a kind word, a shoulder to cry on or, simply, a smile to brighten a particularly dreary day should be a daily thing.  

For me, it has been a fear putting my true feelings out there for the entire virtual world to see.  In retrospect, I realize now that I had nothing to fear and want to take this moment to thank everyone in my life.  You all have either been the force that has kept me going in pursuit of my personal goals; the anchors who kept me grounded; or the perfect combination of the two.  A special thank you also goes out to those who have chosen to remove themselves from my life over the past year or so; it is because of you that I am reminded of my imperfections and how much more I need to accomplish to make myself a better person.

Wishing you all, not only a wonderful Thanksgiving with your loved ones; but a life full of new experiences and magical moments.  I look forward to being a part of it, as long as you will allow me to.

What happened to journalistic integrity?

As consumers of the news, we have become accustomed to certain biases in reporting from sources such as FOX News, Huffington Post, The New York Times and MSNBC; and we make our own choices on which of these we rely on for our news.  However, when there is such a clear deletion of previously reported facts; I find myself forced to say something.

The Binghamton, New York mayoral race heated up yesterday with the candidates facing each other in two debates.  The first debate was held in front of the members of the Rotary Club.  Though closed to the public, the press was allowed to attend and report on it.  Our local paper filed a report shortly after; which appeared on their website and was accessible online to its readership. Unfortunately, this image is all that remains of the original report.  

Apparently, the editorial staff removed the original story when it posted its report on the evening's public debate.  All links to the first report bring the reader to this updated version. (Candidates focus on crime, economy in two debates, Press & Sun Bulletin, 10/29/13).

I have no problem consolidating the story into one report.  I do have a problem with the overt deletion of a statement made by one of the candidates regarding the stop and frisk policy deployed by the NYC police force which has since been ruled unconstitutional.  At the Rotary debate, the candidate suggested that the city needs to implement NYC's "stop and frisk" policies. These policies have been ruled unconstitutional, are racist and can actually make things worse. (see http://www.cnn.com/2013/08/12/justice/new-york-stop-frisk/; see http://bklynr.com/all-the-stops/; see http://healthland.time.com/2013/07/26/stop-and-frisk-stirs-up-rather-than-deters-youth-crime/) 

As the newspaper's subscribers read the paper this morning over their morning coffee, they will have no idea what truly happened or was said at the first of the two debates.  If they do not have Internet access, they will not be able to watch the video of the evening's debate where the candidate acknowledges and addresses his previous statement.  The readers deserve as much transparency from their news sources as they do from anywhere else.  Changing the slant of its reporting to make someone look better in the eyes of the public is no longer journalism in its truest form.  

The voters will make their own decisions on November 5th at the polls.  It is up to the candidates to convince them who is the right person for the job; it is not a journalist's place to try to sway the vote toward one candidate or another.  That is what editorial board endorsements are for; which are normally filed in the opinion section not as the top story of the day.

Enough Already!

For months, I have been biting my tongue as I see more and more posts by Facebook friends - from close personal friends to merely acquaintances - share disparaging images, memes and statuses concerning those within our community who are utilizing the services available to them from Social Services.  I cannot hold back any longer and if I lose friends because of it, then I will resign myself to the fact that they weren't truly friends in the first place.

For every post you make denigrating those who need food stamps (or SNAP benefits) or financial assistance (Temporary Assistance for Needy Families - TANF), you are doing your part in creating a division of classes that has no place in our society.  Many of those who receive SNAP and/or TANF work every day in low paying part time jobs struggling to pay the rent and put food on the table for their families. They are not lazy as so many of your posts imply.  They have sacrificed more for their families and children than you ever will. They wear decades old clothes; not to be trend setters but more because they had to make the conscious decision to pay the gas and electric bill over buying a new winter coat.

Your continual posts about having cell phones and/or Internet on "your dime" only sets the tone that you consider yourself better than those that need these items for activities you have long been taking for granted. Cell phones (many of which they pay on a monthly pay as you go basis) are necessary for them to keep in touch with their employers, potential future employers, their children and, yes, their friends.  Individuals on public assistance are entitled to have friends, aren't they?  The Internet is necessary in today's world to look for better employment opportunities or to master school work (many times in the late hours of the night or wee hours of the morning) before or after their work shifts in order to give themselves a shot at a more stable and higher paying job. Admonishing them and telling them to use the Internet services at the public library is all well and good; tell me where there is a library open 24/7.

Yes, people on assistance do have cars.  Not because it is a luxury but a necessity.  Without a car, many would not be able to get to work unless they live and work within a community's downtown core.  Most public transit routes and schedules, for whatever reason, discriminate against those who are lucky to find employment outside the downtown core or outside the traditional 9 -5 schedule. That is, however, if their community even has a public transit system.

Yes, there are those that take advantage of the system and over time they will be caught and stopped.  However, publicly attacking everyone on the system is not doing anything other than shaming your neighbors and family members who are "playing by the rules" and doing the best they can in these tough economic times.  As we approach the holiday season, let's be thankful for what we do have and, instead of spewing hateful comments, donate to the local food banks or one of the various community dinners planned for the upcoming holiday season; donate clothing that can be used for job interviews by those unable to afford a new outfit.  And, let's not forget the children - donate something to organizations such as "Toys for Tots" for the many that cannot experience a child's holiday joy through no fault of their own.