Life has a way of throwing all of us curve balls; or speed bumps, if you will. Whether they appear along our life's path due to someone else's actions, unforeseen circumstances or simply due to our own errors in judgement and common sense; we all have the same choices on how we deal with them.
Several years ago when faced with a personal crisis; one brought on by my own doing, I sought the counsel of a very wise man. Our meeting that day was extremely difficult. No one is eager to admit their failures and face their fears willingly.
Nearly five years later, there is one point that he brought up that I have never forgotten. We all face speed bumps in our lives. This was just one that I was facing in mine. I had a choice. I could either treat it as a stop sign; basically retreat from my life as I knew it, or continue forward; taking with me the knowledge that this was a just a blip in the grand scheme of life and the lessons I learn from it would carry me forward over the bump.
While I am in no way proud of the mistakes made in my past, I am extremely grateful for those who stood by me through the worst of it, lent an ear or simply a shoulder to cry on. I am beholden to that wise man from 5 years ago, who did not openly judge but allowed me to openly judge myself.
This is a reminder to all that as you come upon your own speed bumps in life, there are others out there to help you continue over them. They are your family, your friends, your spiritual adviser and the many service organizations in your community.
When faced with a speed bump, don't look at it as a stop sign. Continue forward over it with the help of those who care. True, the road on the other side may lead you in a direction you didn't foresee; but who's to say that this new path isn't a brighter and more fulfilling one?
Dear Anonymous Internet Troll:
We hope you are having a good day. No, we really mean it.
If it weren't for you, we wouldn't be reminded of our mistakes and shortcomings. Yes, we have all made mistakes in our lives and none of us is perfect. However, most of us have learned from the mistakes we have made and have accepted whatever shortcomings life has dealt us.
It is because of your constant reminders that we have something to strive for. Your persistent gay bashing, fat shaming, and ethnic slurring posts serve as the fuel in our pursuit to better ourselves. For that we thank you.
Our hope is that, in your perfect world, you will never know what it is like to regain the trust of your family, friends and community. We hope that you will never know what it is like to look yourself in the mirror every morning knowing you have disappointed so many just for being who you are. Finally, we hope that you are able to garner the support and friendships that we have up on top of that perch of yours.
Again, thank you and have a good day because we know the rest of us will.
Sincerely,
The rest of the human race
I am a list maker. I make lists to remind myself to make lists. There is always a pen and scrap of paper within reach just so I can jot a reminder down. I experience a unique sense of euphoria each and every time I cross something off one of the lists.
There are multiple active lists in a variety of places; on my desk, in the car and on my person; in one pocket or another. There are the grocery lists, the packing lists, and the to-do lists. There are also the laundry lists; which in my case are the damp clumps of paper pulled from washing machine; you know, those lists shoved in a pocket that were not removed before starting the wash cycle.
Then, of course, there are the virtual lists. The email contacts, the Facebook friend lists categorized accordingly - close friends, family, acquaintances, pages, etc., the Google circles and the Twitter followers. Even my online calendar is set to pop up on my smart phone in the list-like agenda format.
Now that I have gotten this off my chest, I can cross it off my list.
We all make New Year resolutions; don't deny it. We tend to take the easy route by resolving to either lose weight, quite smoking, or exercise more. Granted, these are noble and well intentioned; but their success rates leave something to be desired.
Now, I seriously do not intend to downplay someone's attempt to better themselves. I, myself, wish I had the will power to lose weight, quite smoking and exercise more; all at the same time, in fact.
The purpose of this post is to shed light on the resolutions that we make to ourselves in the privacy of our own consciousness. Even these resolutions are not 100% successful. When we fail to live up to them, we have our harshest critics to contend with; ourselves.
Very few of us look upon the start of a new year as simply another day. It has been ingrained in the human race to be viewed as a fresh start, a new beginning. It is a chance to make amends for past sins, better our lives and the lives of those around us. Fate, many times has its own plan for us.
Throughout any given year, a number of "bumps in the road" occur. We find ourselves unexpectedly losing loved ones, becoming unemployed, or making wrong decisions with seemingly disastrous consequences. It is our reaction to these occurrences during the course of the year that defines us.
We need to walk that fine line between accepting these twists of fate for what they are while at the same time not beating ourselves into submission because of them. We must also remind ourselves not to allow others to project their dissatisfaction, and, yes, hatred, upon us as we continue to face life on a daily and yearly basis. One's life and their contribution to it is based on more than a singe event or happenstance.
The most important New Year's resolution we could all make would be to remember this throughout the year. Resolve not to be your worst enemy.
As they say, "the devil is in the details". Unfortunately, the details seem to be forgotten when people post titillating stories about others on the Internet. Apparently, even the news media may omit important facts when reporting on a story.
As humans, our natural inclination is to defend ourselves against such falsehoods or omissions. We tend to see these omissions as personal attacks; and many times they are. Lashing out against the original author of the post, whether it be a member of the media or the average Joe, may not necessarily be in your best interest. In the contentious realm of the Internet, those taking a defensive stance are more likely to come across as "whiners" and "cry babies".
Launching a counterattack directly on the original author accomplishes nothing more than drawing additional attention to the falsehoods initially put forth. As hard as it may seem, the best course of action is to ignore the posts. Write your own chapter. Share your joys, your sorrows and, yes, your pain. If others take offense to what you share, so be it. If they are true friends, they will respect your right to express yourself and if they disagree, they are capable of doing so in a respectful manner. Those that take what you post and twist it in such a way to benefit their own beliefs; while at the same time making you look like a fool (or worse), are truly not your friends and have no place in either your life - online and offline.
Don't allow others to write your story. Only you have the power to determine whether your story is found in the fiction or nonfiction section of life's library.
We are days away from the general election and the mudslinging has kicked into high gear. The negative political ads, mailers, Facebook posts and Tweets know no political party affiliation. They are an attempt to keep the voter away from the polls on Election Day. They are the most basic forms of voter suppression disguised as political advertising.
Whether they are targeting an incumbent or a challenger, the creators of these negative forms of communication are hoping that the voter will become so disenchanted with the targeted candidate that they will not venture out to vote on Election Day.
As voters, we owe it to the political process to ignore these veiled attempts to prevent us from having our voices heard at the polling booths. We owe it to all the candidates involved to educate ourselves on their merits and not rely on the rumors and innuendos. Finally, we owe it to ourselves. We must not allow any political party, candidate and their "machine" to dictate to us, as voters and citizens, how, why and if we should vote.
Vote for the candidate that will have your best interests and that of the constituency their office serves at heart. Strap on those boots and trudge through the mud that has been flung and vote.
October is anti-bullying month. Our school districts and college administrations are doing their part in educating the students in their care on the perils of bullying. I fear, however, that their efforts may be for naught.
Bullying is bullying. It doesn't just occur in the classroom or on the playground. It is not only limited to text messages between "mean" teenage girls. It happens all too often among adults; in the workplace, in public settings, on the internet and in the home.
Bullying does not follow an age restriction. Adults well into their "golden years" bully each other as if they were still in middle school. In fact, cliques, harassment, ostracism are prevalent among elders. (Senior Bullying) Many of us have witnessed bullying in the workplace among co-workers and employers. We have seen it in places of worship between members of the congregation. We have observed it at one time or another in the park or ball field. We are not immune to the bullying on various social media sites where commentators have resorted to name calling and harassment rather than engaging in meaningful debate centered on the facts.
We have become desensitized to the negative campaign tactics of our politicians. Rather than calling them out on their over the top lambasting of their opponents, we tend to remain quiet all in the name of it being "election season". Politicians can and should disagree on the issues; but those disagreements should be debated on their merits and not on personal traits of one's opponent.
Again, I applaud the efforts being made by our school officials to end bullying in their institutions. However, until adults start behaving like adults; not like characters from "Mean Girls", their efforts may not hold weight once their charges are off campus among the "adults".
